📖 From My Inner Library Reflections and excerpts from a lived yogic and human path

 

A Rare Quiet Moment in Café Oberlaa

My dear friends and students,

Today, I want to share some private experiences, reflections, and teachings with you from my special visit to my hometown, Vienna.

I am sitting here in Café Oberlaa, and I have these rare and precious moments on my own while “my men” are at tennis. There is nothing to do but enjoy the special Karfreitag (Good Friday) Easter feeling — and write to you.

 

Kitchen Yoga, Lakshmi & What Made This Week Special

Doing my “Küchen Yoga” (Kitchen Yoga — the space between the sink and the stove, the only place I had quietness and space while the others were still sleeping) with my special Lotus candle, my newly found Lakshmi murti, and my Full Focus Day Planner, I was reflecting on how special this Easter week in Vienna has been so far.

And what made this week really special is the people I share this time with.

As Sahil Bloom writes in his recent book The 5 Types of Wealth, which I read while having my hair done at my favourite Aveda salon, in the chapter about Social Wealth:

“You need connection to survive and thrive, for your health, happiness, and fulfillment. You need to build a life of Social Wealth.”

 

The Three Pillars of Social Wealth

He describes that Social Wealth is built across three core pillars:

DEPTH: The connections to a small circle of core people in your life, with whom you share deep, meaningful bonds and relationships.

BREADTH: The connection to a larger circle of people to whom you feel a sense of belonging and support — community, spiritual, and cultural infrastructure.

EARNED STATUS: The lasting respect and trust from peers that you receive on the basis of earned status (the actions you do on a daily basis in your work, for yourself, and your fellow human beings) — not acquired status symbols like the next best watch, car, or bag.

 

Depth: The Front-Row People

What touched me the most — and is most relevant for me during my visit in Vienna — are the reflections on what Sahil Bloom writes about “Depth: The Front-Row People”:

“Depth is the connection to a small inner circle of people with deep, meaningful, durable bonds. It forms the foundation of your Social Wealth — the small group of people that you can rely on for love, connection, and support during your highs and your lows.”

The way we can build depth in our relationships is through:

• HONESTY: Sharing your inner truths and also weaknesses, and listening to theirs
• SUPPORT: Being with each other also through difficult times and struggles
• SHARED EXPERIENCES: Living positive and negative experiences together

 

Depth Is Forged Through Struggle

What is really valid for my own personal life right now is this:

“You cultivate depth over long periods — it is forged during and across the ups and downs of life. Like a muscle, depth is built when relationships are forced to endure struggle, pain, and tension. Just as the muscle becomes stronger after being tested, so will your most durable relationships.”

But as Marc Schulz writes in his book The Good Life (from the Harvard Study of Adult Development):

“Like muscles, neglected relationships atrophy.”

 

The Question I Ask Myself

That is why, when I have a decision to make about what to do in my life — or simply how to use my precious time, which goes by way too fast — I ask myself:

What people in my life would I want to see in the front row of my funeral?

Which are the people I share the most love and depth with in my life?

And if I can make a choice (which we all can), who do I want to spend my time and effort on?

Which relationships have been in my life that I want to keep strong?

 

My Three Front-Row Relationship Circles This Week

Just reflecting on this last week — and please, anybody reading this, know that this is just a mirror of my LAST week and doesn’t include ALL my special front-row people in my life:

My three front-row, in-depth relationship levels of this last week alone are:

1. Partner and Family
2. Students and Clients
3. Friends

 

1. My Partner and Sons: 16 Years of Shared Life

Yesterday, I walked from “Wien Mitte” towards our apartment in Vienna, and I crossed a road towards a Straßenbahn station (tram station). And I had a flash:

This was the tram station I got out of on my first date with Jens, 16 years ago, when I visited him for the first time in his flat.

I had just returned from six months in India. I wore Western clothes. I had already made the decision to move from California back to Vienna to be again with my mother and father — to “return home as the long-lost daughter.”

But just as I was stepping out of that tram, I had been crying. Bitterly crying. I had missed India so much. And who I am there.

I have felt — and have always felt that way since I was a child — so lost and “fehl am Platz” (out of place) in this city life full of concrete, shops, and people. In my own city of birth, in the middle of a busy life, I felt like a foreigner stranded in a place I deep down felt I don’t really belong.

But 16 years ago, I wiped my tears off as I got out of that station and said “Yes” to a new possibility and a new beginning.

I knew back then that Jens would be a part of this new chapter of my life, but what he and I have lived and experienced since then has gone beyond my wildest dreams.

 

A Flood of Gratitude

Now, 16 years later, I was again on the way to his place — but this time our two teenage boys, Vivian and Mikko, are with him. I had only not seen them for four hours, and I already felt a great feeling of anticipation to see Jens, Vivian, and Mikko again.

A flood of love hit my heart, so deep and full of gratitude. And the last 16 years of my shared life with Jens passed in a flash:

• The joint Bhakti Yoga Dance performance in a theatre here in Vienna
• His marriage proposal in Goa, India
• The day I opened my private Ayurveda and Yoga studio in Vienna — and the double lines on the pregnancy test that same day (March 31, 2011)
• Jens bringing me the news of the death of my mother, two months before the birth of our first son
• The birth of Vivian and then Mikko in our shared apartment in a street called “Wiengasse” (Vienna Street)
• His father’s funeral, where Vivian was afraid of the priest sprinkling holy water, yelling into the small church: “No, no, Angst vor Mann!” (Fear of man!)
• Fast forward: two moves, two cancer diagnoses, many beautiful family trips — but also challenging conflicts

Jens, my husband, has been with me through the success of my Yoga Dance musical, the yells during births, and the struggles I experience in my strongly felt mid-life crisis.

 

Core Lesson: Long-Term Love Is Not Easy — But It’s Worth It

I think anyone who says that a long-term committed relationship or marriage is easy and natural — I admire them. For me, it has not been easy. Honestly.

But more than anything, I appreciate Jens — the father of my sons, not only my husband, but the man I have grown with the most in my life.

My love and gratitude towards him might not always show and be obvious, but this is what I deeply feel and appreciate most in my life.

As a triple Cancer, rising Capricorn, deep and loyal relationships are one of my central values — the core of my “humanness” in this body and lifetime. And even though it is not always easy, I keep coming back to it:

It is worth fighting for.

Because depth can ebb and flow like the ocean. But enduring also the difficult times and conflicts is part of a deep, meaningful relationship and partnership.

 

2. Students and Clients: The Depths That Emerged This Week

Since I announced the workshop in Vienna, a few of my long-term students whom I hadn’t seen or been in touch with emerged again — and it fills my heart so much.

Being here in Vienna also allows me to see some of my core clients and students in person, which is always beautiful, even though on a regular basis we see each other online over Zoom — for Ayurveda, coaching, and yoga practice.

This Vienna trip, the depth of my relationships with five students came out beautifully. I want to share them with you (I have changed their names to keep their privacy):

Emily

One of my first pregnant mother students in my first English pregnancy class here in Vienna. I saw her and shared the yoga teaching with her every week for several months before her first son was born. I still own a beautiful purple scarf I purchased from her — one that comes straight from her hometown in Mexico.

Marlene

One of my long-term private yoga students who has completed her five-year private yoga training with me here in Vienna. She has also chosen the path of a healer and teacher for herself, even though she came from a completely different background with completely different ambitions.

Hildegard

Also one of my long-term private yoga students — who also happened to be my midwife for both home births of my two sons. She came to me with 30 years of experience in yoga and Ayurveda, but our 1:1 classes together were each time enriching and deep. Our relationship has endured from midwife, to student-teacher, to friend. We still share that bond of yoga and Ayurveda, the children, and also our love for our second home in the Canary Islands.

Yve

One of my most precious long-term mother clients and students, whom I had the honor of guiding and supporting from conceiving her first baby to recovering now from her second birth. We have shared beautiful successes in business and family life, as well as very challenging times that were deeply trying. Yet the teachings and principles of Ayurveda, yoga, and meditation have carried her through all of it. Seeing her and her two boys in Vienna is so deeply special to me — and I think for her as well.

Nuria

A “rather new” student of the last two years, whom I am so proud of. She is a Western doctor from the heart — very experienced and knowledgeable — and yet she is a Yogi, deeply interested in the teachings and principles Ayurvedic medicine has to offer.

There should be more doctors like her in the world — those who see the importance of taking care of oneself while treating so many patients, holding their health and lives in their hands, and also caring for a family.

Meeting her in a traditional Viennese café — with symbols of the pink rose all around us, and Lakshmi and a Lotus candle on the table — showed me that incredible spiritual and personal depth can also be shared in the midst of old Vienna, surrounded by cakes, coffee, and lots of gossip chatter.

 

A Hymn to All My Students and Clients

This is a hymn to all my students and clients who might be reading this right now:
Please know how much I appreciate our depth — whether it lasted only a session or a class or two, several years of regular practice and coaching, or is still ongoing and lasting.
You are in my heart.
I appreciate sharing the healing and wisdom of yoga, Ayurveda, meditation, and spiritual life wisdom with you — seeing you bloom and grow through the ebb and flow of life.

 

3. Friends: Five Special Friendships Celebrated This Week

While being in Vienna, I also celebrated five special friendships. I hope it is okay to share their real names here:

Conny

She is my longest friend, and I had the honor of sharing her 50th birthday with her this week.

Our friendship began on the first day of our professional ballet dance training at the Vienna State Opera Ballet School — 40 years ago. It continued throughout eight years of hard ballet training and high school years, accompanied our first visits to the New York City Ballet summer schools, our first years as professional ballet dancers at the Vienna State Opera, and has lasted over the last 32 years as she and I lived in all parts of Europe.

From the strains of a ballet career, to the breakups of our most important relationships of our youth, through lives in places like Vienna, Paris, Berlin, London, California, and New York — our friendship has lasted and endured the test of time. We still share a special soul bond as well as an artistic bond.

Thank you, Conny, for your loyalty, love, and fun!

Verena

Yes, the same name as mine. Also blonde, with blue eyes.

Our first conversation was at 4am in a car on my street, as her brother and she brought me back home after a long night out in Vienna when I was sixteen years old. We talked about the beauty of Mozart’s music and God.

Our friendship has also traveled along my time in London, California, and Tenerife. She is my stable “soul-sister” — with whom I hadn’t been in touch for many years in between, but whom I reconnected with at the “Life Ball” in Vienna, where she wore a beautiful silver dress and I was modeling on stage.

We can speak about God, men, and our favourite jewelry and hair products over tea anywhere in the world. And I am so excited to share soon my special round birthday this year in another Spanish-speaking country.

Kate

My soul friend whom I originally met in New Zealand, shared my first flat in London with, and whom I keep visiting in Cheshire when I can.

She is my dear sunshine, who has been with me with her love and light through so many relationships, moves, deaths, and ancestral healing periods. She stayed at my grandparents’ house once in Vienna before it got demolished.

I still share spring flowers and the stories of raising our boys (hers born in New Zealand, her home country; mine born in Austria, my home country) while we both have moved lives to different places — yes, continents.

I love you, Kate!

Jutta

My upstairs neighbor from a time I used to be alone with two small boys while Jens was working in Vienna and I lived in Mondsee (“Moon Lake”), while her two boys were in high school.

Our friendship and depth, I must say, has grown steadily over the years — and is maybe now the deepest, even though we are not neighbors anymore but live in two countries.

Leaving Mondsee exactly four years ago, I cried the most heartfelt tears saying goodbye to her and our neighborly bond. But she has come to visit me in Tenerife already twice in the last six months.

It seems now more than ever, in our mid-lives, we share a depth that is both spiritual and yet very earthy and practical. And as we only recently discovered, we are almost mirror images astrologically — sharing the same moon in Sagittarius. Maybe one of the reasons why we “ergänzen uns” (complement each other) so much.

Heleen

A friend from California times who introduced me to Amma and told me what to pack for my first India trip. We just shared a few months ago a special weekend in Munich, Germany, seeing Amma again.

Even though we had years and times we were not in touch at all — while she was having her babies, traveling between the States and Taiwan, and I was in the depths of spiritual search — we have found each other again.

The depth in our friendship also comes from going through misunderstandings and hopes and dreams that were breaking apart before they fully came to fruition. But our spiritual bond as soul sisters with similar life lessons as yoga teachers is enduring — with shifting levels of depth, yet a lasting love.

 

The Message of Easter: Resurrection, Rebirth & Depth

So yes, this is really what my Vienna trip is about.

Even though there is so much to share with you, and so many teachings I have received in just this last week of being here, the depth and endurance of these relationships is what glows strongest in my heart — and is also the message of Easter:

The invitation of resurrection and new birth. Of shifting states, and depths, and life seasons. Through life and death, and rebirth.

Because it is the depth of a few core relationships in our lives that determines our fulfillment, happiness, and also length of life.

 

What the Okinawa Centenarians Know

As is well known by now — and Sahil Bloom shares in his book with the example of Okinawa, a Japanese island with one of the highest densities of centenarians in the world:

“The friends regularly meet, converse, gossip, laugh, and love — a system that has stood the test of time and appears to contribute to their long, healthy lives.”

 

Thank You for Being Part of My Life

If you are reading this, you are also a core part of the people in my life — sharing with me so many lived experiences and life years.

Thank you for being a part of my soul and Modern Yogi community.

 

With love and gratitude,
Om
Verena Gayatri Primus Ayurveda–Yoga Coach & Teacher
www.verenaprimus.com